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Since a leap year only comes around every four years, it’s a perfect chance to reflect on how life has changed in those four years.
29th February 2020 I was deep in my anxiety disorder. Those who know my story, know that by this point I’d been able to mask and successfully grow Nintendo North Wales since 2012.. so why was I anxious at my own event?
A series of “other events” had happened during that month, which had rounded up to me feeling that I was worthless, and everyone hated me.
It wasn’t a nice place to be, and the sanctuary of my own events just made it worse that day, as not even one person popped over to where I was “stuck” and asked if I was okay. Dr G saw how bad I was and called out one of the people who’d triggered my anxiety earlier in the month. They were completely oblivious. To me, that said they definitely didn’t care about me.
I thought we were closer friends, but apparently not. We always go to the pub for tea after an event, and that day was a quiet one. Nearly everyone had an excuse not to go. Another strike for the “no one likes you” camp. Back then I took everything personally. Whether it was intentional or unintentional to be left out of things, I took it ALL personally.
When I entered lockdown, and had just joined Tropic, which none of my so-called close friends supported, I decided that obviously I didn’t have any (local) friends after all, and I was very lonely.
(Notwithstanding the couple of closer friends who weren’t local who DID support me <3)
All through this I did have a supportive family, but it wasn’t the same. I was sleep deprived with a toddler, on edge 24/7, lonely, struggling with every day life, basically on survival mode. 2019 had been a bad year, and although I’d lost a good amount of weight between the October and February, I still had no self esteem or any ounce of confidence.
The last thing I did before lockdown was a trip to Nintendo HQ. This was way out of my comfort zone, but I knew it was a one-off experience, and I’d be crazy to miss it. I was anxious through the whole weekend, but I felt like I was part of things.
I wasn’t officially “head admin” until September 2020, but I was recognised as the kind of “Spokesperson” for the hub. Delivering the “Covid speech” was shaky, and when someone tried to ask an awkward question I nearly burst into tears, but someone stopped the guy just before it happened. My lip quivered, but I didn’t fold. I breathed a sigh of relief and was able to enjoy the rest of the day.
Yet back at home, I was a piano tutor with no portfolio that said I could actually play the piano. My students just trusted that I could do what I claimed to be able to do! I was completely stuck in my anxious hole, with no way out, no help, nothing. Just this dark abyss of nothingness.
Tropic opened up the world of colour. Literally. The colours drew me in. The ethos followed. I realised (after joining impulsively!) that I completely aligned to everything the company stood for. Change the world for the better, one step at a time. (Without having to be any kind of missionary myself!)
I battled with myself and my demons for the first few months. It was a struggle without the support of friends, but I started networking online in lockdown. I learnt that actually I had something to say. I’m a Tropic Ambassador AND a Piano tutor. (with a gaming community on the side)
After workshops and free challenges, which I wrote copious notes on and put into action wherever I could, I emerged ( in that bit between lockdowns!) as the TROPIC PIANIST GAMER!
I’d done enough challenges and workshops to start to “find my tribe”, the people who “got me”, the people who understood. From there all I could do was grow. It took me from reaching rock bottom to working out I NEEDED to do something if I wanted to actually survive. Never mind survive, but thrive too!
I felt like I’d wasted my 20s professionally. No direction, no ambition, feeling worthless; and my 30s were heading the same way.
2021 I started setting goals, and as they say “the rest is history” (Thanks Heather and Lisa for getting me started on the journey to confidence <3 )
In four years I have:
- Done mindset work and found the root cause of my Anxiety Disorder, to be able to overcome it.
- Grew my business and added to it to become a multi passionate creative
- Opened my Galaxy themed Studio which became my USP as a Piano Tutor
- Became the “Tropic Pianist Gamer” – no longer afraid to admit I’m an adult gamer.
- Won “Queen of Progress” at Lisa/Kat’s joint birthday event.
- Was part of Collaboration book “Seen” (Kat Massey’s Tribe were the first tribe where I felt I truly belonged)
- Got my own book published (Tales of an Anxiety Warrior)
- Launched my podcast | Introduced guests | Introduced Sponsorship (The Tropic Pianist Gamer’s Podcast)
- Guest speaking slots both online and in person.
- Host local networking events for Network She (and independently)
- Had my first ever professional photoshoot with Aga Mortlock
- Grown Nintendo North Wales |Moved on a generation!
- Established a committee for Nintendo Players UK
- Took over the NPUK podcast, and now interview all sorts of people!
- Been in two local papers, a national paper, and numerous blogs as a guest.
What will I be able to say at the next leap year? Watch this space, I like to keep my options open 😉 Seize the opportunities, because you’ll never know if you don’t try!
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